I owe my left ear to Usenet

Let me explain.
When I was a child I Swam in cold dirty ponds, made
mud pie full of worms and Lord knows what else after the rains came,
I've been caught tasting my share of bugs (don't lie, you did too), my
brother and I would make formula one tracks under our broken rusty
trampoline to race our hot wheels on, not to mention the obsession I had
for fire crackers...


Looking back on it I was a renegade child, where were my parents do
you ask? Oh, they were there, well ma was. Fixing dinner, cleaning
house, trying to keep up with three kids what a task. My father worked
all day, by the time he got home us kids were innocent as lambs.


I'm sure it comes as no surprise to you readers, that when I was 7 I
fell ill with fever. I'm not talking about a fever that is fixed by ice
baths or sweating in out under the covers. I was ill, ill with a 106
fever and delusions. After a few days the left side of my face began to
swell. I had a ring around my entire ear that imitated ring worm but on a
much larger scale, like a do-nut that had a bright red glow and radiated
heat.


The doctors tried drops first, then drains followed by pills. They
kept on sending me home with further instructions, with no avail. After
two weeks both the doctors and my mother were at a loss for remedies.
With the fear of surgery, ma searched high and low in books, calling
friends, the internet. Then, stumbling along the Usenet
alt.binaries.advise she was able to communicate with people from all
around the globe. Shortly after chatting with a gentlemen from Europe
she frantically ran out to local health food store and bought up their
supply of ear candles. After getting the approval of my father she lit
candle after candle pulling the gunk from my puss infected ear along
with the build up from my sinuses. Turns out I had a tear in my canal
and with all the inflammation none of the medical remedies could reach
the source of the problem to resolve it.


To wrap things up, I was back to making mud pies and all the other
harmful, dangerous and care free games in days. Thank you Usenet for
restoring my ear drum. I am currently a 23 year old surgery free Big
Kid!